In the 2012 “State of the Unions” report, which monitors the current health of marriage and family life in America, indicates that divorce rate today is about twice that of 1960. The average couple marrying for the first time has 40 to 50 percent chance of divorce. Divorce is becoming much more commonplace than it once was, and we are seeing the consequences of that all around us. The State of Unions report also says, “Marriage is not merely a private arrangement; it is also a complex social institution.  Marriage fosters small cooperative unions—also known as stable families—that enable children to thrive, shore up communities, and help family members to succeed during good times and to weather the bad times.” It’s in our personal and societies best interest to strengthen and preserve marriage.

President Kimball, stated, “ …only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.” So, as people who still believe wholeheartedly in marriage.... what can we personally do to help support, strengthen, and preserve marriage?

One thing we can do is teach our children (and everyone) the importance of the sealing covenant and covenants in general. My husband and I have been married 3 years, and it is the second marriage for both of us. In my case, my ex had a pornography addiction that I didn’t know about before we got married. He wasn’t worthy to be married in the temple when we got married in the temple, which just shows how much he really didn’t respect the covenants or understand the importance of it all. But one of the things that I learned from this experience is that even though my ex and I had dated each other for a long time before we got engaged and knew each other really well, I never asked or noticed some important things. For example, just because he went to church every week what was his testimony? Did he prioritize temple attendance above other activities? And so many other questions that could have helped me understand that his outward behavior was a mask for secrets and a lack of commitment to covenants.

Another thing we can do to help preserve and strengthen marriage is exemplify the truth about marriage, so that our kids and youth everywhere go into marriage with realistic expectations and not thinking it’s all about rainbows and puppy dogs. My ex’s parents never, ever, argued in front of their kids…. They presented a facade of everything being perfect all the time. And when their kids started getting married, they had extreme anxiety and huge problems every time they and their spouse would even disagree about little things. They all have been in couples’ therapy to learn how to work through issues when they thought divorce was the only answer. I believe kids need to see their parents have discussions, disagree and argue every once in a while, (maybe not extreme fighting, but you understand what I am saying). Kids also need to see them work through the arguments and come to a good decision and see the compromises. “A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.” It’s the daily choices that make a good marriage and it is critical that kids (and everyone) understands that. Marriage is worth fighting and struggling for, but how would your kids know that unless they see their parents actually fighting for it?

Divorce is such a tricky subject in and out of the church…. I feel like everyone knows that families, children, and societies are better off when spouses/ parents stay together, (as long as they are happy and have healthy relationships), but there are times where it just doesn’t benefit anyone involved to stay together. And it’s not up to us to judge anyone else’s situation or look down on anyone for being divorced. It’s a fine line that we walk between helping/ encouraging vs judging. I would really hate it if someone judged me because of my divorce. And I hope that people can realize that I wouldn’t be the person I am today, studying what I am studying with these life goals, if it weren’t for my divorce and the things that I learned in the process.